


Special Things

by CynSyn



Series: Sozzled in Soho [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Conversations, Dolphins, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Please Don't Copy to Other Sites, Post-Apocalypse, Softie Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 17:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynSyn/pseuds/CynSyn
Summary: Yet another cetacean conversation.--------------“Crowley, you haven’t stopped talking about them since you first found out they existed.” Aziraphale took a long drink from his glass before continuing. “And it has gotten so… s- so much worse in the last century.”“Great strides have been made, Aziraphale. Great big brainy strides. There’s research, and hypothesis, and experiments! There have been studies. Did you know there are specialists? Specialists who specialize… in… in ssspecial thingsss.”





	Special Things

**Author's Note:**

> While not strictly necessary to read first, this story makes references to the first part of this series, [ Cetacean Needed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19461664).

** Post Big Avocado That Wasn’t: **

“It’s a bit fascinating how intelligence affects other biological scenarios,” Crowley said, sloshing his drink as he gestured. “Sheep and cetaceans are more interesting to me than primates. It's too easy to consider primates in the same manner as humans. Just an opposable thumb and some body hair different, if you think about it. But you get a cloven-toed quadruped and an aquatic mammal family and give them these big, lovely brains, well, that's interesting!”

Aziraphale’s eyes narrowed. “I _know_ what cetaceans are.”

“Frankly, I don’t see why you’ve put a mor- mori- a, a mortiror- a restriction on dolphins.” He leaned back on a pillar, closing his eyes and shrugging his shoulders.

“Crowley, you haven’t stopped talking about them since you first found out they existed.” Aziraphale took a long drink from his glass before continuing. “And it has gotten so… s- so much worse in the last century.”

“Great strides have been made, Aziraphale. Great big brainy strides. There’s research, and hypothesis, and experiments! There have been studies. Did you know there are specialists? Specialists who specialize… in… in ss _special thingsss_.”

“I told you, I can’t… I can’t talk about this. What special things?”

He leaned in, conspiratorially. “Special dolphin things.”

“What special dolphin things?”

“Their, you know, _things_.” He wiggled his fingers in such a way that meant absolutely nothing towards any sort of description. The blank look he received made him repeat the same gesture more dramatically.

“You do know you just did the same bit of nothing twice with your hands.”

“I didn’t. The second time was louder.”

Aziraphale’s brow furrowed as he tried to process that. “I don’t think that’s what happened.”

“That’s because you’re drunk.”

“Well, so are you!”

“I am… not.”

“You are!”

“You can’t prove that.”

Aziraphale sputtered, “I…What? Yes, I can. Look!” He pointed. “You have a glass in your hand right now.”

“And it is still _in_ my hand, which means I’m still drinking.”

“What?”

“Drunk is past tense, Aziraphale. I’m living in the present.”

“You’re presently in the past of the previous, you steaming tosspot.”

“What were we talking about?” Crowley sniffed his glass and took another sip.

“That you’ve lost track of the number of cups you’re already into.”

Crowley ignored him, getting back on track. “The higher the intelligence, the more likely intricate and complex the reasoning behind behaviors get. The motivations change, Angel.”

“What motivations?”

“Fun, really. Did you know that there are gay sheep and gay dolphins?”

“Are there?”

“There are. Intelligence gives way to personality. And it isn’t just a decision, either. It isn’t free will. They’re built that way. It’s in their deo- deoxirb- dexbr-, their DNA.”

“Their DNA,” Aziraphale echoed.

“People, smart people, wrote grant proposals, _and got them_ , to determine this. Years of research and discovery were spent on learning about it. That’s tenacious dedication in the pursuit of knowledge. That should be of interest to you, I think. There’s a lot of information out there if you’re willing to read it.”

“I thought you weren’t much for reading.”

“Books, Aziraphale. I don’t hold much use for moldy old books, not like you do. But I do try to keep up with what’s happening in the world. So much of it is so gloomy. Humans, they can do a great many terrible things to one another. But this? This I like. This sort of thing reminds me of what we fought so hard to save, Angel. It’s a special thing. There’s a poetry to it, I think. The human spirit of exploration into their own universe, not to destroy, but to just… just want to know _more_. They want to understand _why_ things happen. They ask questions. So many questions.” He sighed softly. “But sometimes even that gets away from them, too, and it gets a bit pear-shaped.” He looked off into the distance almost wistfully as he drained his glass.

Aziraphale quietly pondered as Crowley took his glass from him to refill them both. He handed it back and sauntered around a bit as if lost in thought. “What was I talking about?”

“Dolphins.” Aziraphale gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in regret. “No, wait---“

“Right. Dolphin’s special things.”

“If you insist on this conversation, at least make sense, please.”

“Oh, come on, Angel! You know, their… their _things_.”

“Crowley, I’m quite sure I _don’t_ know what you’re talking about.”

“Their… _Efforts_.”

“Their efforts? What are they trying to do?”

“Each other.”

Realization dawned. “Oooh,” he said quietly. _That Effort_. The one deserving of a capital E.

“Right. And, on occasion, other entities. I’ve mentioned before they’re quite dangerous, dolphins.”

“Other… entities? Oh, Crowley, surely you haven’t---”

“What? _No_! What kind of stupid question is that? ‘Course I haven’t!”

“The demon doth protest too much, methinks,” he spoke into his glass before taking another sip.

Crowley’s head drew back slightly. “And the angel would be wise to shut his blowhole.”

“Crowley, you can’t keep talking about my blowhole!” Aziraphale whined.

The unmitigated glee that formed upon the demon’s face was palpable in the air. “So you _admit it!_ ”

“What? No!”

“You _do_!” Crowley drawled, delightedly.

“I do no such thing!” The angel Aziraphale asserted assiduously.

Which was for the best, because in Crowley’s current state of demonic drunkenness, he would have physically tripped over his own enhanced sibilating at such an unnecessary alliteration. Even still, he was struggling to work his way past it to continue. “Look. We’ve talked about this. Angels have blowholes. Can’t be helped, Zzzzir, Azzz…” He was beginning to sound like Beelzebub a bit.

Aziraphale noticed. “What about demons? Does Beelzebub have a blowhole?”

Affronted, the demon sputtered. “Uh, er, ngk, uh, I-, I’m sure I have neither the interest nor the inclination to asssscertain the ssstatus of Lord Beelzzzebub’s _blowhole_. Ssseriously, Angel. The mouth on you.”

Aziraphale’s jaw dropped, his mouth forming a perfect o in shock.

“ _THERE IT IS_!” Crowley shrieked with delight, pointing. “That lovely angelic blowhole!”

The angel shot him the most scathing of dirty looks. “I’d suggest you go to Hell, but I have it on good authority that they don’t want you back.”

“All thanks to the sweetest, most precious, and adorably intimidating beluga to ever take a swim for me.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss upon the top of the angel’s head.

Aziraphale couldn’t decide between fondness or irritation, defaulting to exasperation as he looked the demon up and down. “Oh, good lord.”

Crowley sat back down, the grin on his face never faltering. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“In that case, my dear, I’m dangerously close to becoming absolutely adorable.”

“I look forward to it.”

They shook their heads sarcastically at one another, one grinning broadly with endearment while the other tried to hide his own affectionate amusement with a scrunch-nosed approximation of a scowl.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Special Things](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385091) by [ExMarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExMarks/pseuds/ExMarks)




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